11:45 PM

Here I am at 11:45 PM and I have to get up at 6:45 in the morning to be able to make my activities for the day and I’ve been tired all day as it is. I guess tomorrow I’ll really be needing the coffee. However, being tired leaves me with my thoughts and that could either be really good or really bad.

So, here’s my one thought I’ve had that I can actually make sense of; when you have an opportunity in front of you, don’t jump into it, you need to dive into it. You can’t look at something on the surface and only understand the surface. You have to go deeper and understand what it’s really all about.

My fault is that I see things on the surface and I don’t want to take the time to understand deeper because I feel like I already know everything that could go wrong. I can admit to that and I can also admit that I’ve been trying to harder to get better at that. However, I’m not doing so well. When I see things on the surface, I get nervous and I don’t want to make myself vulnerable by diving into something that could go awry. So if you ever feel like I’m not 100% putting myself out there, that’s why.

I’ve learned over the past couple of weeks how this is really hurting me in different life situations and I’m honestly trying to be better about these things. I know that this isn’t the best thought out blog I’ve written and I’m probably going to end up deleting this in the morning when I wake up and realize how poor this really is. But, now, here I am, a few hours later at 1:02 AM. My thoughts have remained the same and the one at the forefront of my mind is still this; don’t jump, just dive.

-Neutrality

Drawing To A Close

Tonight, I find myself being extremely nostalgic of the last three months that have seemingly flown by. It’s now midnight and I’m typing away listening to my favorite song,¬†Ribs by Lorde. If you don’t know who Lorde is, start using the internet.

Anyways, let me tell you why I’m feeling especially sappy and nostalgic.

In a short six days, I’ll be sleeping in a different bed for about nine months. I’m leaving for college. Even though I’m only an hour away from home, in the great city of Chicago, I’m going to miss this place. I know in one of my last written posts I wrote about how much I hate this town, which is still very true today, but I’m going to be away from my closest friends and family for a while and that kind of sucks.

Four of my five closest friends have already gone back for their second year of college while one stays behind with me for now. My best friends have given me the summer I’ve always wanted this year. In my head, I always picture everything having this cinematic feel, like my life is really a movie and everything happens how I want it to. Even though that seems odd and so ridiculous, it’s how I’ve pictured almost my entire life.

I think being able to cut loose after graduating high school this summer with my friends has really helped me to understand who I am and who I want to be and where I’m going with my life. We’ve spent late nights talking and being honest about how unreal and close the future really is now. We went on a trip to Starved Rock, we’ve gone to the beach, we’ve spent a day in the city, we’ve spent countless nights at Wal-Mart at ungodly hours, we went to IHop at midnight which was a first for me, we’ve had countless bonfires, attempted stargazing, and this all led to our final goodbyes.

I can’t help but tear up now thinking about how we’re all really growing up now and we’re all making our own way in this world and going in our own directions. Saying goodbye is always really hard, especially when you share so many memories.

I’m going to miss dancing in the car with my two closest friends, making late trips to the mall, all the bonfires where we sit around and roast each other. I know that no matter what they’ll always be around for me, and I’ll always be around for them, but it sucks not having all of my friends physically¬†here.

With all of this being said, I’d like to leave you all with one simple piece of advice.

Life will push, pull, trip, and shove you in all different directions. One day you’ll be out of the house chasing your dreams, living the life and then the next you’ll be in bed ready to take a sick day for the next week. But the great thing about that is you don’t go through it alone. You’ll always have a friend there when you need one.

To younger readers, make the most of your time at home and make great memories because before you know it, life is going to flash by and that is exactly how I’m feeling at this exact moment. Don’t become sappy, nostalgic me. Don’t wait till your last summer at home to make the most of it.

Signing off for the night, this is Neutrality.